you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
