If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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