Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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