This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
