Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just found puke in my bra..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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