I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
