Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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