He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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