Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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