new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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