i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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