The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
