went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
