Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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