I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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