also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Randomize
