Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
