Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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