I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
