This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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