I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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