he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I pour the whiskey from now on
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
