I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
