think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
