I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
