They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
