They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
