i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize