Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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