i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize