that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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