I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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