I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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