what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
