So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
