the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
