There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
