i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
