im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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