I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
