it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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