dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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