I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
