I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
