porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
