Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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