operation harelip BJ is a go
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
