Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
