More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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