Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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