is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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