i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
