She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
