why didn't you poke me back
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
