your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
