can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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