help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
