The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize