im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
