your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
