What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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