my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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